Famed for her pencils, Mercedes Helnwein colors her future in oil pastel. Her exhibition, Temptation to Be Good, is now on view at the Merry Karnowsky Gallery in Los Angeles until December 11.

Chapter 1
THE PHOTOGRAPH

WHETHER BEAUTIFUL OR TERRIBLE, THE PAST IS ALWAYS A RUIN.

When I look back on my childhood, my earliest memories seemlike artifacts from a lost civilization: half-understood fragments behind museum glass. I remember the spherical alcohol lamp that glowed like a tiny ghost, ringed with dancing blue flames, which hung over the dining room table of the house where I grew up. I remember the sweet, oily smell of coal smoke, and the creaking of horse-drawn carriages on the dirt road outside. Most of all I remember
the summer twilight over the mountains and how, on certain evenings, just before the sun sank below the horizon, it cast rays so luminous and golden that they felt like a solid, enveloping close into which a small boy could simply disappear. An intensity no light today seems to match.

Last December the art world breathed a collective sigh of relief as Art Basel Miami beach got under way. The mood at the fair was noticeably cheerier than 2008, when all the air kisses, hand shakes and fake smiles could not disguise most participants’ fear of the coming apocalypse. Since the recession continued to batter the art market for most of 2009, this year’s fair was still more subdued than the all out bacchanals of years past, but as they say, “the show must go on,” and it did.

Everyday I rewrite her name across my ribcage
so that those who wish to break my heart
will know who to answer to later
She has no idea that I’ve taught my tongue to make pennies,
and every time our mouths are to meet
I will slip coins to the back of her throat and make wishes

Thin oil for the cold car.
Paint peeling off the Subaru.
Leaves on the windshield wipers,
chocks behind the wheels.